Curse Train

ph: weheartit

Everyday I run to chase you. To make sure I get a seat so I don’t have to sleep while hanging and standing. Lucky enough I only to see the unlucky people sleeping while hanging and standing. Life is though. But that’s how this is working. First arrive first serve. First come first sit. Tired and long journey sometimes blind you. From a need to let woman or old people or kids to have a sit; in need to sleep. There’s still thoughtful people despite less wise people. So don’t worry.

Everyday I have to worry are you gonna work well or not. Arrive on time. Less crowded. Cool car. No, it’s not always happen. It’s one per tenth or hundredth. That’s not what I get. Late arrival from schedule. Overloaded and overcrowded passengers. A not-working-so-well air condition worsen our rage. Spill oil into a fire.I get what it called reversed. Don’t mind; I get for what I’ve paid.

Everyday I have to be positive. That someone is not gonna steal my phone, my wallet, my bag, my life. Or that someone will not do disgusting public sexual harassment by have a chance to grab my breast, my thighs, my ass, my vagina. Or any chance in this overcrowded train. I don’t have a chance to worry about it. I try my best to be able to breath, to stand with my both feet, to let myself hanging on. Don’t less guarded; they steal a chance and disappear.

May be this is you. This shit is your specialty. You are a savior to the desperate, in need of fast and free-traffic transportation. You are a dream to kid, like the child song tell them. You are a nightmare to the commuter, in need to always worry you will work at your best. You are a curse to us, in a slow pace of enhancement.

No maybe this is not you. Maybe this is just how shit doing their work.

And yet you still want a raise?


I forgot.

I forgot we once a lover. A couple years ago, and it wasn’t love at the first sight. We met by a chance, you knock on my room thought you’re my roommate. We weren’t. We never talk, only exchange deep gaze everytime we meet in the hall. A meaningful gaze. It was me try to talk to you first. You were shy, so was i. A few words, a few talks. And then you disappear.

It was an “add friend” on facebook. From you, a shy stranger. I approved. We started to send messages, exchanged msn ids, exchanged skype ids, exchanged phone number. We started with a message, to a chat, to a video call, to a text, to a call. Everything to least the distance. From small talks to secret talks to dirty talks. That’s how we became a lover. A love to each other.

We shared moments and started to draw ‘unseen’ future. Become a spouse, a partner of life, husband and wife, a parent of beautiful children, and grow old together. After you started missing without calling. Without texting. Without skyping. Without nothing to tell. I was worried and I was stupid. I dreamed an end. I dreamed you cheated. Until I found out you just busy, with your work, your friends, yourself. I was devastated. A long distance relationship is not for me. Not for you. Not for us. Require a lot of efforts. Understanding. And trust. I was asking too much for having news everyday and you were doing less. I quit.

Anger was filled you. You gone with no words. Not once asking why. Or struggling to get me back. While I was hoping you were. You just stay there. I was crazy. To live without you. And to live far from you. I was in deep heartbreak. In deep cry.

Yesterday we met (again) by chance in the hall. I was alone. You too. We weren’t talk only exchange gaze. It was you try to talk to me. I was shy, so were you. A few words, a few talks. I tried to recall about you and me; through a gaze. There’s just nothing. Time was up. We stopped and we hugged. A goodbye hug. A hug to forgot.

To forgot about you.

About us.


 Why must embarrassed

When we have nothing to show

Yet to hide

When we are not even a couple

More to stranger who like each other crazily

I imagined we sleep together

The three of us

While playing with our own phone

Speak lovely to our spouse

Telling them how much we miss them

And hoping to return home


With You

I share a room

In our little dorm

Where hope and dream start to groom

I share a life

In where we drink ‎​*beer* together

Sucking cigar mouth to mouth

I share a love

Of same sex friendship

Better Be

Can we keep silent while we’re fuck?
To feel my world consciously
And to understand your lust of owning me
I don’t want to hear you asking
For undesirable sweat
I need you to keep quite while you enjoy your sticky fishy liquid blast in my vagina
I will not sigh about how you’re gonna love me in return

Can we keep silent when we’re fuck?
About the future we haven’t have yet
And how we will end up locking each other
In need of joint in strain
Where we choose to get hurt together
I don’t want to hear you bitching my frozen tranquility
As long we are not stop fucking each other we’re fucking fine

I need more beds, more filthy thought
To find my sensual passion
To treasure our future with
As we keep silent I crave to fuck you
I need more fantasy of our future
We can’t decide yet
To keep our skin close while snogging
I need more you in me, and me in you
And dying together in pain of losing each other


ph: weheartit

I met you there under the Orion belt between our separated bed. You were my dream. My expectation going real. Until the reality was a big deal. I was with someone when I never thought you would come. My stance teetery my attitude cranky my world becomes jolty.

Your love is sweet when it’s new and sweeter even more when it’s true. I hope it’s true. It was a sweet concise love. Until I left you. Before you left me. Until I realize loving you is something I couldn’t do. I tore apart my faith left everything just for you is something I would do. But I stopped before I consume you more than I could handle you. 

You said love is all we need. We’d able to rock the world, but I never thought it was the real world, I thought it was our tiny little love world. You said with love is enough to not emphasize our boundaries and our barriers. Love doesn’t always solve everything, dear my Pisces. I have faith and you don’t. I know goal but you’re not. I want hereafter symphony but you not.

I loved you and I left you for our own good. But you don’t understand. You just won’t. You ratty and won’t talk to me. As if I am filthy and deceive. I don’t have eyes with anyone, I have my eyes on you when I’m with someone. I don’t play games but life itself is a game.

I will miss you my Pisces

your passionate kisses and your loving embrace

but we never meant to be



ph: weheartit

Language… has created the word “loneliness” to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word “solitude” to express the glory of being alone.  — Paul Tillich

Being solitary is being alone well: being alone luxuriously immersed in doings of your own choice, aware of the fullness of your won presence rather than of the absence of others. Because solitude is an achievement. Alice Koller  

I like the idea of being alone. I like the idea of often being alone in all aspects of my life. I like to feel lonely. I like to need things. Robert Plant  

It Wasn’t Affair, It Was Love

ph: favim

I met you two years ago on summer. Like any other in summer we was in love. Silly summer love. Even when we knew we both no longer alone. Yet love made us like a fool. I worked on summer while you were on holiday. It was novel-like moments. You were my bestfriend’s bestfriend. He wished we were mate but you made me have no faith. We both knew this went nowhere yet love made us like a fool.

We took a risk with our little affair. But it was never an affair, we felt our partner was our affair. We were lovelorn. Talking hours by hours, days by days, weeks by weeks. I never felt to meet someone like him before and he felt the same. I was head over heels and so was he. But never once we touched each other with no reason but in awareness of being respect to each other. It was an emotionally relationship where we didn’t need physical things. We were under each other spell.

28 days the exact moments we were in lovesick. Until you needed to come home. And real world were about to begin. We promised to keep in touch. We did. We isolated ourself from reality from our family from our currently-partner. We lied. I’d stay all night chat with you on facebook or talk to you on skype. There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for each other except one, break off our current relationship.

Hours by hours, days by days, weeks by weeks when we started to back to reality. Our communication gone. I was tired when you called to chat. You were with your girlfriend when I needed to talk. We vaporized.

Last month, after a year, you showed yourself in my front door. You said you weren’t able to forget me. You said you break your girlfriends to be with me. I appalled. After all this year without words he popped out in my door and what-told me to be with him. I was silent. In split second I found his mouth in mine. His savage tongue meet my ferocious tongue, I knew he was in hunger of my kiss. He released me and kissed me and kissed me. He violently kissed me and it made me aroused. I wanted him so badly, I wanted to be beneath him.

I awoke in his chest while he kept holding my waist tightly against him. We talked hours by hours, days by days, weeks by weeks left the reality. Told him I was someone fiancee. He said it was okay and wished me to leave. I was hesitated. but then I did leave. And love made us like a fool.

Another me you barely see (and all the pent-ups)

numbers exchanged

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