Have you ever went to a situation where people doesn’t recognize you?
or when people know that you were in the room but they just pretend they’re not?
I have. Often.
It would be friends from kindergarten, elementary, junior high, senior high, college or anyone I met by any chance where most of the time they don’t recognize me. There’s a lot of moments that I’ll sit or stand face to face or side by side with friends and end up in silent. They don’t say hi don’t try to talk to me. I used to be the one who recognize them, try to cope the situation by greet them first. But then they not even hear my greetings, seems like I am whispering.
At first, I’d feel a major hurt because of that. I usually try to say hi first but then they’ll give me who-the-hell-are-you look and after a second they’ll start to recognize me, some not even remember me. My ex, now-husband, always says it’s because how I change physically, better in the eyes for the stereotype of girls. I believe every woman want to be pretty or at least want men tell them they are. I don’t because I can’t differ people appearance; I mean I can’t differ which one is handsome or pretty which one is not. I differ people by appearance to what I feel attractive. Then I realize it wasn’t because how much I change physically but I never kind of easily-remembered type of person. I am typically suffer in silent. I don’t easily laugh to jokes more over cheesy and stupid jokes, I don’t like being in center of attention especially an object for jokes that usually happen in youth ages. It doesn’t mean I don’t like jokes, I do, but my jokes are explicit and some body jokes because I am a visual. I like being the watcher, the listener, the silent in a group of bunch people. I just don’t fit in some society. I don’t like talk, empty talk. I don’t like doing somethings just in order to meet people expectations.
As human, a social being I couldn’t resist the reality; there will be times where I’ll sit or stand face to face or side by side again with my friends and end up in silent. But I no longer say hi first to them. And I don’t have that need to greet them. Even sometimes If they recognize me, I just hope they don’t. Or I pretend I don’t see them. I no longer have that hurt because I accept who I am; I grateful I meet friends where I feel safe and comfortable to be with. Best-friends I treasure deeply.
Now I enjoy being invisible.