*fiuh* hard theme this time and I have been racking my brain all morning to think about what I wanted to write. As I believe strongly that everything in my life happen for a lot of reasons and I started to stop arguing whether this is good or bad or whatever it is. I left my past behind for good reasons and lived for today and struggled to not worry about future.
Being the first granddaughter in a big family gave me that golden position in my grandparents-my grandma-heart. Together with the second grandson we lived and raised by our grandparents rather than our parents. Adult issues that not my problem but effected my life in many ways. I was the ‘first’ in every way even until my teenagehood, I got the heart and the attention-wrong attention-and the gift and the many many things as I won first prize.
It was a big family with many many grandson and granddaughter as sibling jealousy can lead to sibling rivalry. I had brotherssss that didn’t get that attention from my grandparents. I was so sorry that I couldn’t take them enjoying the first treatment as I did and every time I received that attention my heart was torn apart. My grandma took my childhood and filled it from mall to mall showered me with good clothes good bags good shoes good food apart from my family even until I was high school. My grandma bought the same thing for my brothers like she bought me sometimes but I was sorry they couldn’t feel all the joy and excitement to play to go anywhere to do anything like I had.
As a result my brothers had the opportunity to spend more time with my mom and my dad while I didn’t. Whilst I riveted in empty attention.
I never knew if my brother had that sibling jealousy but I never felt their jealousy on me. and I blessed with that. I was the one who jealous of them. Life is like a rolling wheel sometimes you are up sometimes you are down; I didn’t get the attention like I wished I had when I was teenager to young-adult and they got that. They could get what they want to have, their desired university and major and others I didn’t want to mention. While I couldn’t or I demanded a lot. I couldn’t complain because I knew I deserve it.
I wished I did a right things to move in to my parents house and grow with my brother from the beginning. Spent more time with them as they can grow closer to me than to their computer, as we could have more memories, as I could spare all the joy I had in my life.
I redeemed the blank spots and set it to rights by always supporting them in everything and in their wrong or right.
Michelle, next daily prompt a more cheerful one please… 🙂