Really random topics right? But since I am married, pregnancy topic was something I can’t avoid no matter I want to. Last weekend, I met my friends to have a small talk and because I missed them. One my friend is finally pregnant and I am so happy for her.
See, the weird thing is I am happy when I heard my friends or people get pregnant. But when they tried to turn the focus to me I was like speechless. I’ve been married for one year and haven’t have a plan to have a baby until this year second semester. To be truth, I am scared. of a lot of things.
From that small gathering enough to make myself thinking (again) about having a baby. I was planned to have a baby later this year from the beginning of my marriage because I have stuff I need to put it straight. Many reasons why I needed time before I get pregnant but first because I want to ready myself because I am the one who know myself better than anyone. I have this love-hate relationship with children and feel lack of maternal instinct. The picture of having someone who need my attention and the responsibilities frightened me. I was never really raising a baby but I guess I lack of love for myself and torturing myself for people happiness first than mine just before I get married I have this love for myself and beginning to treat more happiness for myself. Growing up while shoulder responsibilities of three younger brothers tore me apart-I am not blaming them but myself-with my own baggage I brought with me all the time. Which gave me result I wasn’t a good and responsible sister.
I decided planned pregnancy from the beginning for my personal reasons:
I want emotionally ready. Many adult said that you will not be ready if you’re not getting pregnant first which I’ll consider BS. I’ve seen many unprepared parents and I swore myself to never be like one of them. Saw how their lack of preparation gave huge effect to their child life always remind me what kind of parents I should be. I know people isn’t perfect but emotionally prepared is better if it’s come to other people (child) life.
I need more time to love myself more. To spend more time together with hubs with no one intruding while your sleeping. To enjoying my life. more.
By this I prepared myself with what I must do or not do if I want to have a baby or while I conceived. I have this personal opinion, when you make a baby you have this a lot of prayer that your baby will born in the best condition and with all the other positives hopes. That’s also happen when you conceived, you talk a lot of good things do positive things. Children is the apple of their parents, so when the parents are in their good condition good behavior and good hope I believe it’ll appear the same in their soon-born baby.
I know those who already have babies will say things will getting better when you give birth or by time. But I’ll choose to be emotionally ready. and no regret.