I’ve just read one note of my junior on Facebook about how he thinks he’s not as simply happy as other people. This is really intrigued me but as much as I want to comment about being happy but I didn’t wanna people ‘look’ at me.
He noted stuff that I’ve been through it too, to have a scholarship in other country, a great position in a company, pretty inspired for people around me, are things I look up when I was in college until a few years I graduated and dip myself in a new working world.
I am not people who academically achieve some great hit who run proudly with tittle cum-laud. Nope, I’m just average in almost everything. Though I’m pretty smart in Math and English, studying wasn’t my thing, I don’t know but I think I get my mind divide a lot as I struggle with the post-death of my mother. Finding the lost love I couldn’t fill in. So, at that time I envy a lot of smart people or who I think people think they are smart and it really hurting when I realize that people only look up to people who are smart that their achievement on academical is very inspiring to other. As if I am invisible. Non-exist. But not until I found my path to GOD.
I was born with my parents religion in me but it didn’t make me learn more deeply about it, only some basics. At the age of 15 I struggle to find my path to God, I look for it for almost 7 years. I look for someone who can teach me my religion in a way that I found acceptable. and I did.
As soon as I started to learn about my religion I found a new different level of solace. I learn to admit all my mistakes, my flaws, my passions, my goals, even my goodness. I learn to forgive all my mistakes-all my past and all of that help me find myself. Find a new me with a new goals. I no longer care about how much money I will take, how great position I will stand, how people will look up at me, how I want people get inspired of me, nope, I no longer care about stuff. I surrender myself to life. Life isn’t always what we want it no matter how hard we tried, the final decision is in God’s hand and that’s what I am doing. I know what I think will good for me but God knows the best for me.
Like a flowing water, that’s how I feel my life right now. I do big effort for what I want but I let God choose it for me. I speak like with no truth but if I make a quick flashback there’s a lot of things I am grateful about for being not happening or not working out. I’m grateful I took my major even though I hate it for ever. I’m grateful I wasn’t turn into a bad girl in my lowest life. I’m grateful I look for God and not drugs. Even I have any rights to be a bad and broken person.
My goals now is so much simpler now: to afterlife, to treasure life with my husband, my family and my best-friends.
I am not saying material stuff like money isn’t important, it is. But I refuse money control my life. You know why I like death so much because it’s remembering me of how must I live. Because when I die I won’t bring such a thrones and treasure with me, I’ll leave everything behind. Above of all, be grateful for everything, every good and bad things. I am not gonna say it’s going to be easy but it’s always worth to try. Life is short to work so hard achieving to only something we won’t bring for afterlife to the point we forgot God and people around us.
Am not always happy but I tried so hard to stay happy with it.
“Happiness can be learned, but finding meaning and a purpose in life is what leads to it, not the other way around. The happiest people appreciate and realise that being happy adds years to their life, and life to their years.” (from The World Book Of Happiness by Leo Bormans).