Unbecoming Love

ph: umfridus

Don’t smile to me sir. and don’t call my name nicely sir. or don’t look me in the eye with that puppy-dog eye sir. or don’t give me attention like you do sir. don’t sir.

Don’t make me fall for you sir.

Don’t make in love with you sir.

Even I know nobody can’t choose to whom to fall in love with. But I choose to not fall for you sir. Because you know I just can’t. and I know you just can’t.

I opt you to scowl at me. and bark at me. or never even look at me as if I wasn’t there. or never acknowledge and ditch me alone.

But you make this hard sir. You make this unbearable. You make me dream about you every night while I sleep with someone other than you. I dream you sit side by side with me then you pull me to your arms and hold me as long as I asleep. My heart dropped when you suddenly hug me. Hmmmm your hug is warm sir and all the butterflies in my stomach start crawling out. I want to touch you sir so bad but I am afraid. But every night I touch you sir…. a lot. I want to kiss you but always not yet you said. I feel my breath hitches and my body start to ache, ache for you sir. Then suddenly I jerked awake.

I hate you sir. I hate you for making me this way. I will daydream about you. About how you taste. Your lips. Your arms. Your fingers. And……you love. I want to make love to you sir. No, I want you to make love to me sir. Say you’ll love me. Say you’ll take care of me. Say you’ll choose me sir. Then I will snap back to where I was doing.

Every night is a nightmare. Every day is a torture. I’d rather you kill me than leave me alone. Untouched. and. Unloved. But you understand right sir? That we’ll just to keep dreaming about being together. Because I know you will never choose me. Because you never know me.

I know sir you have family because I have mine too. But just let me sir. Let me watch you from afar sir. Like how this is started.

It may have start but may not happen.

I love you sir.

I love you

Even when you’re not.

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