Lonely

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You know I didn’t consider myself being easily approach. People told their first impression of me is always bitchy because how I might look in silence. While from my perspective I more of an awkward. It’s in me that I appear closed off, quite, not that kind that will initiate conversation so sorry no I will not suddenly being talkative. Somehow it makes me hard to adjust and join a new community. And in result lesser people to be friend with.

Not that I don’t have friends well I do a lot I guess. Friends that I never talk to. Elementary friends. Junior high friends. High school friends. College friends. Work friends. A friendship that only happen at that time. I only keep it close with people that I consider my best-friends. I have 6 best high school female friends. 7 best college female friends 3 best college male friends. In which I keep close no matter nil conversation we had they’ll always in my inner circle.

To be truth I more close to my male friends rather that my female friends. Dunno. Well, I guess I know because they don’t do complicated. Female do. And as my husband said I more likely anti-mainstream so I only need a pinch dose of female talks. And now as I am married it’s hard to keep in touch with all. I really do want to share a more off me but I scare. Scare that no one will not judge me because my whole life I was being judge.

My husband is my project of opening his mind when talk to me. At first he always think the opposite of what I mean but by time he’s the only one that understand me more than anyone. I wasn’t a big and sweet and nice talker you know. I was fierce and there’s no such sugar-coat words. Which might be accepted by people as yeah trully bitchy. Even though my intent was good but by my talking that’ll appear I was harsh. Well, I am, I guess.

The reason I write more and talk more because I wasn’t a smooth talker. And this life I ride now leave me empty with friends. Lonely. And that’s a feeling that I didn’t want to deal with.

Thanks for listening.

.Cheers.

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