I Feel Ugly

I feel ugly even when I know am not.

That’s motherhood has put me through. Feelig ugly of myself. The beauty of being a mother only last a couple of days for me because I was in to it without help.

Being a mother should make you feel pretty and beautiful. I did. Or I do. I don’t know. I mean when your breast no longer perky and appear saggy no matter the bra you wear or the long tired look that you manage to wear anymote or when the belly at didn’t seem to say goodbye or when you no longer brushing your hair because you thought it pointless to appear pretty even to yourself it’s hard at certain point to look at yourself beautifully. And in my case the mark for having atopy is endless. They mark my foot through my thigh and some area in my hand and arm. It wasn’t this bad when I suffer eczhema but this time it was prurigo that leaves black dots everywhere.

It’s hard to not love myself and continuing telling yourself that you are no longer attractive even to yourself and how do you expect people to look at you. Yeah. But I only love myself for me for a little time. It took me 25 years to finally love myself. Selfishly in love with myself that I didn’t allow others to drag me down in any way and it felt incredible. But then at that time I choosed to marry and marriage just don’t really have too much space for selfishness. So I miss to love myself.

Truthfully I don’t give a damn of what people think how I appear in their eyes but still too many bullies over my skin color put my self-esteem under the big hard rock. I always feel pretty even when people consider my skin was darker than normal people and when my forehead was full on display and even when my hair having its lionest at its best. I always feel pretty because this is me and people just stupid and blind. But that didn’t mean I’ll stand tall for myself when people called me ugly or dark or curly. Yeah I was that kid.

Being a mother put me back to where before I was 25 years old. I The silently-feel-pretty-but-doubting-myself because what people see in me. I want to feel pretty again. I want to love myself again. Merely just for me. So I have that self-esteem again.

.cheers.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s