The title might be the same with Justin Bieber song but, no, I am not gonna sing it for you. And, yes, you probably don’t want to hear me sing a song. I am a distorted-pitch singer lol.
I miss writing and sometimes it’s just not the right moment, not the right topic, not the right time and it’s getting harder and harder with my kid confiscate most of my time. As usual I do social media ‘stalking’, I mean what did you call when you went through your friends posts on facebook or pictures in instagram, that’s what most people do, right? Or it it just me. Let’s just assume it’s just me.
Looking through your friends posts or pictures speak volumes for me because it can learn and read them through what they write or what they take. Sometimes it can bring you whole lots of emotion vary from proud, happy, envy, sad, anger and on but most of the times it just make you doubting yourself and think that the grass is always greener or the other side. That leads me to question what is it the purpose of social media if in the end there’s so much downside on it.
I tried as much as I could to rarely ‘stalking’ people on my facebook or instagram account. Because as much as I love reading people I hate the end of the line where sometimes make me ungrateful of what I have now or who I am. There’s people that like to post picture of their clothes which make me wondering why I can not pull of that kind of clothes. There’s people that like to post picture of food that they eat which for this I never envy because my food is something I am 100% certain so no amount of delicious food could make me envy. But it’s a matter of place where they eat it that sometimes make me envy of why I rarely eat out in a beautiful and quite expensive restaurant. Though I shouldn’t envy because like I said I like certain food so it’s supposed I don’t have to be envy . I guess their ability and opportunity to eat out that I envy because I don’t always have the opportunity or ability to eat out. There’s people who like to checking-in in lots of places mostly if they went on holiday which could make me drool. Holiday is one thing that a must for a sahm but not always have the ability to. There’s people that like to post their beautiful faces which I shouldn’t complain about because you can’t choose to be born with certain beautiful face.
It took 25 years for me to finally love myself including accepting all the flaws that make me, me. I used to have no color and easily influenced by how people dress, how people do, how people work, how people think and it tortured me to fake it just so that I am fit in. The only time where I am really me was or is when I am alone. I didn’t give a damn of what people wear or think. But after being able to love myself I find myself at peace so that no matter what other people do or think or wear I don’t give a damn. And it pained me to see my old self in somebody else. Because it’s painful to not be able to be yourself and to add salt to the wound hearing people generalize thing is just awful.