Regret

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In my life I have a few things that I regret that until today it’s still hurt to remember and see it. I guess I always use my mother passing as an explanation why I did what I did. It is true but I shouldn’t use it every time just to make people understand or to make me feel a slight better. But it was not truly living in my part, I turned into a hollow and shallow and scatterbrained person. It was hard but it was all that made me today.

My biggest regrets are being to focus on my own pain and my own life that I forgot where are my brothers, they lived under the same roof as I am but in about 1 or 2 years in my memories I only remember them once. I didn’t remember if I cared about them. I didn’t remember how are they. I didn’t remember how they went through the same pain as I did. I didn’t remember if I talked to them. And every time I remember those time I feel awful and those pain become very unbearable, I cried. I wish I wasn’t drown in my own self. I didn’t care if I was hurt I was suppose to be there with them to went through the pain. And I am sorry.

My other regrets in my life is having not pursue higher education. There’s so many reason why I didn’t pursue higher education. First and foremost I have a fear of authority figures as a result from many situation that left me with feeling inadequate, embarrassed, humiliated, and judged. It influenced my interaction with people who are older like parents, teachers, lecturers and most of people with authoritative figures so going to school and college is a horror story for me. Where I lived younger people should and must respect older people in any form so I became closed off and not able to speak up my mind to others. Thus made me lost interest in pursuing higher education. My second reason was because I desperately in need of LOVE. For years I focused to feel loved by people and put them in a wrong place to fill up the void that my mom left. Instead to learn to love myself and study I concentrate more to find love. So If I saw friends in social media who went to higher education abroad brings so much regret and pain in me because I always want to study abroad. And they are people I envy the most.

I have one more regrets but I wasn’t ready to share. But through this regrets I try my damnedest to always do the best for me or If I can’t to just always be grateful of what I have today. The grass is always greener on the other side but it’s also greener where you water it. This life is temporary you should fill it with something that will always benefit for yourself and others.

Have you had any regrets you want to share?

 

.Cheers.

 

 

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