My LUNGS Are Just Fine!!!


In a place where I live you don’t always go to doctor if you were sick. There’s a lot of traditional medication that people could go to. Just like with Chinese people where they can drink some sort of herbs mixture to cure an illness. So far I’ve tried one different kind of alternative medication that involve neuron and a little bit of preasure in the right spot that could cause hell of a pain if you have something wrong in some certain part of your body. I think this kind of medication came from China. So the last couple of week I accidently trying a new kind of alternative medication.

A quite the same medication that require neuron and a whole lot of preasure that cause me more pain. The person appear to be religius that he can read through my personality. Not that it suprised me, no I’ve already admit my flaws, so I really don’t need more acknowledgement. But what disturb me the most was his prediction regarding my health. His prediction was that I have something wrong with my lungs that leads to TBC (tubercolosis lung disease) in which I agree because I have asthma in related to my lung problem and not TBC. I’ve went to numerous doctor visit for a mere justification. And then he said that I have to do certain things like stop breastfeeding my 20-months-old kid, drink lemon water, drink carrot and cranberry juice, drink fresh water and eat camel meat (yuuuucck!!).

I, indeed, wasn’t the type of person who like to eat people words as a whole. I need to digest it first then collect some data and, boom, decide what to do. But his words keep messing with my head especially the part that I have to stop breastfeeding my kid (tried it for a day and it cause me more stress than ever). To be honest, I didn’t tell a lot of my family what kind of condition that I suffer from. And even though I told them, they rarely believe it. But I spent years went to doctor just to understand my condition.

I was BORN with allergic that was passed on from either my mom or dad. It makes me sensitive to certain food or environment. Nothing really severe. And along my 30 years of living the last 10 years I’ve been in and out of doctor for numerous kind of illness that cause from my allergic condition. Atopy was something that on and off throughout the years. I’ve got eczema and now in healing process of prurigo (another kind of atopy). The last 2 years I’ve just know that I suffer asthma, illness that I’ve closed my eyes from when I was in college and in denial when I was pregnant. But now, the more often it gets the more I can’t deny. My asthma was to the point that I wasn’t able to do simple things like talking or walking when it was full force. So when the doctor told me that my asthma was another result of my allergic gene then I have nothing to do but to work out. The last thing that I knew to keep me healthy. All doctor that I’ve came accros s told me that I have to: live healthy, eat healthy, no stress, enough sleep and work out. Work out was the only thing that I never do, I mean literally never. And it appear work out was my answer to my asthma condition.

To keep my mind at ease I decide to do medical check up that include thorax rontgen to see if I suffer from TBC. Because the theraphy mister said that if I went to rontgen my thorax, my lung will already full with tbc. So today was the day my medical check up result came out. After discussing the result with the doctor it appears that I have no dangerous illness and something to improve here and there that I didn’t aware of. And I am thankful for that. But leave me with bitter taste in my tongue because I believe unproffesional opiniom get through me. It pissed me off that it messed with my head for full 3 weeks. It made me fooled that I have to spent money for unnecessary medical check up. But I don’t feel sorry to be able to do medical check up so that I can throw it in their face. XD




To people who treat me unfairly.
I would keep my mouth shut.
To people who didn’t acknowledge my struggle.
I would keep my mouth shut.
To people who didn’t see my sacrifice.
I would keep my mouth shut.
To people who bitching the way I look.
I would keep my mouth shut.
To people who narrow-minded.
I would keep my mouth shut.
And that’s my friend the reason I never speak to you.




after mind-blowing screw so I could knew

what it feels beneath you and what please you

and to where our relation will flew after all the shit I shew

belong to me, I beg you, and I you


ph: wehearit

I thought you were leaving

I thought you were disappearing

but you were enjoying crawling in every vein

caressing all my pain


ph: weheartit

is when I try so hard not to text you even I desperately want to text you

You actually text me.

and I melt.


Dari jauh aku pandangi kehidupanmu. Kamu dan motormu, Aprillia Shiver-mu. Kegilaanmu memacu adrenalin membuatku mencintaimu. Membayangkanmu mengendarai motormu nafasku berderu. Aku mau jadi motormu.

Mau gila rasanya tau kamu jatuh dan aku jauh dari sisi mu. Aku mau benahi lukamu, bersihkan sekujur tubuhmu dengan peluhku. Kamu buat aku gila.

Jarak membuat kamu bisu. Menggapai jauh direngkuh nyata. Aku yang tak bisa dimiliki dan kamu yang bukan untuk dimiliki.

Dari jauh aku pandangi kehidupanmu. Kamu dan gadis-gadismu, gadis binal mu. Membuat aku cemburu. Buta. Aku mau kamu. Aku mau menorehkan dosa bersama mu.

Sentuh salam lama dari mu menyayat hatiku. Kalau bisa aku terbang ke dunia mu. Supaya kamu berhenti membuat aku gila. Aku mau menjadi milikmu.

Aku mau kamu hanya mengendarai aku dan menari denganku.

Sampai aku lupa dunia ada. Dan bukan untuk kita berdua.


Saya iri

sama kamu

yang bisa meliarkan kulit hitam kamu

tanpa harus peduli

bagaimana orang melihat

dengan bibir nyinyir

dan berdeham

‘Kamu seperti pembantu’


bagaimana teman tidurmu

yang selalu memujamu

dan mencintai eksotisnya kamu

tanpa perlu tersakiti

pandangan orang lain

dan berteriak

‘I love you hun’

Aku iri

sama kamu

dan kulit hitammu

yang melankolis eksotis

Aku iri

bukan pada fisikmu

yang keling dan kusam

tapi kecintaanmu

untuk tidak melulu gila produk pemutih

dan kenyamananmu

untuk tidak khawatir rambut merah mu yang lusuh

tidak tersisir

Aku iri

pada teman tidurmu

yang menggilaimu apa adanya

dan teman kecilnya

yang selalu tertarik menyetubuhimu

pada pandangan mata

penuh kekaguman akan hatimu

dan menjilati tengkuk coklatmu

Aku iri

sama kamu

akan kebanggaanmu

yang narsis hedonis

Curse Train

ph: weheartit

Everyday I run to chase you. To make sure I get a seat so I don’t have to sleep while hanging and standing. Lucky enough I only to see the unlucky people sleeping while hanging and standing. Life is though. But that’s how this is working. First arrive first serve. First come first sit. Tired and long journey sometimes blind you. From a need to let woman or old people or kids to have a sit; in need to sleep. There’s still thoughtful people despite less wise people. So don’t worry.

Everyday I have to worry are you gonna work well or not. Arrive on time. Less crowded. Cool car. No, it’s not always happen. It’s one per tenth or hundredth. That’s not what I get. Late arrival from schedule. Overloaded and overcrowded passengers. A not-working-so-well air condition worsen our rage. Spill oil into a fire.I get what it called reversed. Don’t mind; I get for what I’ve paid.

Everyday I have to be positive. That someone is not gonna steal my phone, my wallet, my bag, my life. Or that someone will not do disgusting public sexual harassment by have a chance to grab my breast, my thighs, my ass, my vagina. Or any chance in this overcrowded train. I don’t have a chance to worry about it. I try my best to be able to breath, to stand with my both feet, to let myself hanging on. Don’t less guarded; they steal a chance and disappear.

May be this is you. This shit is your specialty. You are a savior to the desperate, in need of fast and free-traffic transportation. You are a dream to kid, like the child song tell them. You are a nightmare to the commuter, in need to always worry you will work at your best. You are a curse to us, in a slow pace of enhancement.

No maybe this is not you. Maybe this is just how shit doing their work.

And yet you still want a raise?


Another me you barely see (and all the pent-ups)


Muslim Homeschooling Bandung


Muslim Homeschooling Bandung


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