Tag Archives: Anger

Painfull Connection

Dear grrrl,

Did you know that I feel betrayed?

That I being used by you, when no one was around you.

You were alone against the world

Against the people you love

I was there to support you

To be the shoulder you need to cry on

But most of all to be the ear that will listen to your silent cry and painful laugh

Did you know I feel betrayed?

For being so open and makes me vulnerable

Telling you all the pain, the hardship, the loath I had against the world

Now that you were through

You no longer need me, nor do I need you

I was happy for you

Genuinely happy whatever path you choose

Even though it hurted me

Did you know I feel betrayed?

For you not talking to me after all you’ve been through

I didn’t ask for a deep meaning full conversation

I longed for a connection out of politeness

No, am not gonna whinning like you did

Now that every thing is on your side you just disappear

Into nothing

Left me with the pain for trusting you

And for this I was forever in hatred for cut myself open in front of you

Have a good life.



I knew you can but

You choose you can not

To me

But you can to others

With no strings attached

To come and go

As you wish

As you filled yours and

You filled hers

I knew you don’t mind

But you do

To me

But you don’t to others

Being a superhero they need

Being there when you are not suppose to

I knew you are willing

But you are not

To me

But you are to others

Listening to thousand of meaningless words

Just because they are lonely

And so are you

And so am I

I feel like a mistake you constantly make

Painful Memories


The bad outweight the good ones. That’s what 7 years of pain of betrayal of distrust do to you. The pain will always be there peeking from time to time. Remembering me the taste of betrayal. Of you of those girls. The distrust will always be there gnawing from time to time. Remembering me the taste of being lied to. Of you of those girls. You might feel pain because I lied. One big lie that I finally able to see you in the eye and admit it. They might feel pain because simply you just didn’t want them. But I got to feel the pain that destroy all my self-worth. You and those girls did that to me. You and those girls knew all along I was exist but still. Now I lived with all the glorious detail of your lovemaking that keep scratching my mind from time to time. That make me wondering what did I do to deserve the unbearable pain. 7 years of living in constant feeling of being worthless. 7 years of feeling that I never be enough. 7 years living like a fool. I didn’t deserve this. I hope karma find its ways to you and the girls. Especially the girls. 

F e t s i t e F


It’s been too long. Gnawing at my soul. My mind. My heart. The picture where I want to smash your head to the wall. But I get to kill you in my head too many times too many years. I hate you so much. Your name itself is so repugnant. So I called you voldemort for so long. But I guess you understand where my hate came from. It came from you. It came because of you. It came for you. I never thought you can be so low. I hate you because you knew he was mine yet you still make a move. I hate you because I can’t hate him yet you make me hate him. I hate you because you and him fucking lie in my face while I knew the truth. You must think that I am stupid and blind. I hate you because you and are a fucking coward for rubbing your happiness in my face. I hate you because you and him broke me caused me so much pain so you both can consume your love. I hate you because you fucking volunteer to be second. I hate you because you and him are the sam, a liar, a cheater. I hate you because you make me feel inadequate with all your lovemaking. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. You might have what I didn’t have but that didn’t justify your action toward me. I hope you pay. For all my tears. For all my pain. For all my broken heart. 

A n d a g l e a m

You are safe for now

Or not

You think I didn’t know 

But I know

You think you are innocence

But are you?

You think I will stay silent

But I will not

You think all you did is nothing

But is it?
You think those phone calls you make were ok

But are those?

You think low of your spouse and his 

Are you?

You think those late night dinner were for work


You think those night stroll were being friendly


You are safe for now

Or not

You think I didn’t know 

But I know

You think you are innocence

But are you?

You think I will stay silent

But I will not

You think all you did is nothing

But is it?

Drilling Holes


Picture: we heart it

We’ve been running through the same circle.
Circle full of pain. Full of numbness. Full of vain.

I want to curse. I want to scream. I want to shout.
All your bullshit words.
Of live. Of love. Of money. Of everything

We’ve been crying through the unshed tears.
Tears full of misery. Full of disappointment. Full of hurt.

I want to curse. I want to scream. I want to shout.
All your shitty role.
About live. About love. About money. About everything.

We’ve been tortured through all the lies.
Lies full of hatred. Full of disgrace. Full of wrath.

I want to curse. I want to scream. I want to shout.
All your fucking perspective.
About live. About love. About money. About everything.

Curse Train

ph: weheartit

Everyday I run to chase you. To make sure I get a seat so I don’t have to sleep while hanging and standing. Lucky enough I only to see the unlucky people sleeping while hanging and standing. Life is though. But that’s how this is working. First arrive first serve. First come first sit. Tired and long journey sometimes blind you. From a need to let woman or old people or kids to have a sit; in need to sleep. There’s still thoughtful people despite less wise people. So don’t worry.

Everyday I have to worry are you gonna work well or not. Arrive on time. Less crowded. Cool car. No, it’s not always happen. It’s one per tenth or hundredth. That’s not what I get. Late arrival from schedule. Overloaded and overcrowded passengers. A not-working-so-well air condition worsen our rage. Spill oil into a fire.I get what it called reversed. Don’t mind; I get for what I’ve paid.

Everyday I have to be positive. That someone is not gonna steal my phone, my wallet, my bag, my life. Or that someone will not do disgusting public sexual harassment by have a chance to grab my breast, my thighs, my ass, my vagina. Or any chance in this overcrowded train. I don’t have a chance to worry about it. I try my best to be able to breath, to stand with my both feet, to let myself hanging on. Don’t less guarded; they steal a chance and disappear.

May be this is you. This shit is your specialty. You are a savior to the desperate, in need of fast and free-traffic transportation. You are a dream to kid, like the child song tell them. You are a nightmare to the commuter, in need to always worry you will work at your best. You are a curse to us, in a slow pace of enhancement.

No maybe this is not you. Maybe this is just how shit doing their work.

And yet you still want a raise?


Mend The Implausible

Link on the pic

I didn’t hate you guys really

And sometimes I spent those times crying

Mourning over our good time together

What happen to you?

What happen to us?

I didn’t know really

What did I do wrong?

What did you do wrong?

I didn’t care

I didn’t give a fucking shit you know

I just want us good


Is it because that dime?

Or is it because that dog?

I don’t know, you know

I don’t even know you, now

And here I am hoping that you’ll do good

Do happy as you wish as you want

As you try to accomplish

And I hope it’s worth the blood.

How Do You Express Your Anger?

Have you ever experience a condition where everything that you do seem wrong? Have you ever be blame for something you are not? Have you ever treated unfairly?

I have. Recently.

I told that I was blamed for the same things, seems everything that I did was wrong in detail to my husband and it turn out he’s the one who’s burnt with fury while I was at peace after outpour everything. Yes, I was burn in rage and going to spit out the zoo word but I didn’t. 30 minutes later my rage is evaporated and my husband keep telling me to speak up to defend myself. I told him that I didn’t want to because it takes energy; it wastes my energy and I don’t like give my energy for someone that doesn’t deserved my energy. My husband words hit me, it’s not that I didn’t defend myself every time people treated me unfairly. I do feel angry but then I don’t want the anger control me, I want the one who control my anger.

Have you watch Anger Management movie? How Dave deal with his hidden anger. Dave had this trauma about public affection when he was young, as well as repressing his emotions. He’s keep everything inside himself. I think that happen with me too long time ago; repressing my emotions, I think it’s because my past experience. Now, I find myself a very good control of my emotions. I think more it’s because I accept myself better with its pluses and minuses. I accept the way I deal with people by being in silent. I don’t need to talk in order to defend myself like people will do in other way being silent is the way I feel comfortable about. So it’s more about acceptance about yourself by yourself.

 According to American Psychological Association, people use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others. Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships. Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

American Psychological Association also come up with The Strategies for Controlling Your Anger. You will find a lot of way as a first aid to control your anger, try to find which one is suitable for you the best.

I tried to take Anger Management Quiz online. They had this score once you finished the test and my score was 38 *glorious smile*. If your score 0-40 means your level of anger is not bad; you might take this test occasionally to be sure it stays that way, 50-90 means anger is becoming a problem for you; you may be on edge about what might make you angry next, above 100 means anger is on the verge of taking over your life and your relationships; if it has not already.

Usually I don’t express my anger to a lot of people, I show it only to few people I trust. But mostly I suppress my anger by taking a whole deep breath, naming GOD in every breath, and distract myself with something good. I thank GOD for giving me such super-do-not care attitude; I don’t give a shit of other people personalities. Yes it’s true that I’ll getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on but that’s what I feel comfortable. I draw a line-thick line-build a wall-tall wall-so only certain people that I welcome them to my inner circle. To my inner me.

People are different so there’s nothing exact method for all people. I think it’s better to choose which one suit you the best. So how you express your anger? How you deal with it?