Have you ever experience a condition where everything that you do seem wrong? Have you ever be blame for something you are not? Have you ever treated unfairly?
I have. Recently.
I told that I was blamed for the same things, seems everything that I did was wrong in detail to my husband and it turn out he’s the one who’s burnt with fury while I was at peace after outpour everything. Yes, I was burn in rage and going to spit out the
zoo word but I didn’t. 30 minutes later my rage is evaporated and my husband keep telling me to speak up to defend myself. I told him that I didn’t want to because it takes energy; it wastes my energy and I don’t like give my energy for someone that doesn’t deserved my energy. My husband words hit me, it’s not that I didn’t defend myself every time people treated me unfairly. I do feel angry but then I don’t want the anger control me, I want the one who control my anger.
Have you watch Anger Management movie? How Dave deal with his hidden anger. Dave had this trauma about public affection when he was young, as well as repressing his emotions. He’s keep everything inside himself. I think that happen with me too long time ago; repressing my emotions, I think it’s because my past experience. Now, I find myself a very good control of my emotions. I think more it’s because I accept myself better with its pluses and minuses. I accept the way I deal with people by being in silent. I don’t need to talk in order to defend myself like people will do in other way being silent is the way I feel comfortable about. So it’s more about acceptance about yourself by yourself.
According to American Psychological Association, people use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others. Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships. Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.
American Psychological Association also come up with The Strategies for Controlling Your Anger. You will find a lot of way as a first aid to control your anger, try to find which one is suitable for you the best.
I tried to take Anger Management Quiz online. They had this score once you finished the test and my score was 38 *glorious smile*. If your score 0-40 means your level of anger is not bad; you might take this test occasionally to be sure it stays that way, 50-90 means anger is becoming a problem for you; you may be on edge about what might make you angry next, above 100 means anger is on the verge of taking over your life and your relationships; if it has not already.
Usually I don’t express my anger to a lot of people, I show it only to few people I trust. But mostly I suppress my anger by taking a whole deep breath, naming GOD in every breath, and distract myself with something good. I thank GOD for giving me such super-do-not care attitude; I don’t give a shit of other people personalities. Yes it’s true that I’ll getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on but that’s what I feel comfortable. I draw a line-thick line-build a wall-tall wall-so only certain people that I welcome them to my inner circle. To my inner me.
People are different so there’s nothing exact method for all people. I think it’s better to choose which one suit you the best. So how you express your anger? How you deal with it?