Tag Archives: Happiness

Love Yourself

The title might be the same with Justin Bieber song but, no, I am not gonna sing it for you. And, yes, you probably don’t want to hear me sing a song. I am a distorted-pitch singer lol.

I miss writing and sometimes it’s just not the right moment, not the right topic, not the right time and it’s getting harder and harder with my kid confiscate most of my time. As usual I do social media ‘stalking’, I mean what did you call when you went through your friends posts on facebook or pictures in instagram, that’s what most people do, right? Or it it just me. Let’s just assume it’s just me.

Looking through your friends posts or pictures speak volumes for me because it can learn and read them through what they write or what they take. Sometimes it can bring you whole lots of emotion vary from proud, happy, envy, sad, anger and on but most of the times it just make you doubting yourself and think that the grass is always greener or the other side. That leads me to question what is it the purpose of social media if in the end there’s so much downside on it.

I tried as much as I could to rarely ‘stalking’ people on my facebook or instagram account. Because as much as I love reading people I hate the end of the line where sometimes make me ungrateful of what I have now or who I am. There’s people that like to post picture of their clothes which make me wondering why I can not pull of that kind of clothes. There’s people that like to post picture of food that they eat which for this I never envy because my food is something I am 100% certain so no amount of delicious food could make me envy. But it’s a matter of place where they eat it that sometimes make me envy of why I rarely eat out in a beautiful and quite expensive restaurant. Though I shouldn’t envy because like I said I like certain food so it’s supposed I don’t have to be envy . I guess their ability and opportunity to eat out that I envy because I don’t always have the opportunity or ability to eat out. There’s people who like to checking-in in lots of places mostly if they went on holiday which could make me drool. Holiday is one thing that a must for a sahm but not always have the ability to. There’s people that like to post their beautiful faces which I shouldn’t complain about because you can’t choose to be born with certain beautiful face.

It took 25 years for me to finally love myself including accepting all the flaws that make me, me. I used to have no color and easily influenced by how people dress, how people do, how people work, how people think and it tortured me to fake it just so that I am fit in. The only time where I am really me was or is when I am alone. I didn’t give a damn of what people wear or think. But after being able to love myself I find myself at peace so that no matter what other people do or think or wear I don’t give a damn. And it pained me to see my old self in somebody else. Because it’s painful to not be able to be yourself and to add salt to the wound hearing people generalize thing is just awful.


Picture here



Birthday Reminder on Facebook

It’s been years since the last time I put my birth day on private on Facebook. It means that only me that can see my birthday. Most of my friends on facebook automatically made their birthday available for their friends to notice. Therefore you’ll see their birthday reminder on your notifications.

I have my reasons though it seems bizarre but well that’s me. I just want to know how many people that really remember me. My facebook friends mostly weren’t people that close to me mostly were just my school friends that I rarely have deep conversation with and harshly let just say we know by name only. I am an introvert that hardly able to make a lot of relationship so I only have some friends that I allow myself to be close with even then doesnot mean I’ll just open up and spring my heart out. I only have a few for the deep.

The first year it was less than 15 people who really remember me. This year as in today only 2 people that remember my birthday which is my brother (the other 2 forget, how dare them!!😈😈 ) and one of my best friend. As time goes by I didn’t really give a damn by how many birthday wishes that I’ve got. But I can not lie that sometimes it hurts because of my imagination of a friendship wasn’t what I dream about. I used to see pictures or watching movies about friendship that they hang out together or having potluck together discussing vary topic in life.

Partly my fault perhaps because I wasn’t open to people or let them see the real me. Or perhaps I just don’t feel right to open up to my friends. Or perhaps twas just my imagination of a friendship. I don’t know. But surely I was tired of having a friendship that only require effort from my side. Or maybe I shouldn’t account on it. I don’t know. I was hoping I get to know more people that let them in and see the real me. People that also make an effort to have a friendship with me.

Tell me about your friendship with your best friend,, just so I have an insight that friendship is real and not just something I read on books or watch on movies.

Btw,, welcome to the big three-o.


For The Promptless – S. 2, E. 5 – Gezellegheid

Gezelligheid is a Dutch noun meaning the comfort and coziness of being at home, with friends, with loved ones or general togetherness.

  • Gezellig is an adjective that the noun is based on.
  • From wiki:
    • A room can be gezellig. (meaning cosy or inviting)
    • A person can be gezellig. (meaning entertaining or pleasant)
    • A party can be gezellig. (meaning fun)
    • A visit to ones grandparents can be gezellig. (meaning togetherness)
    • A set of curtains can be gezellig. (meaning pretty or nice).

Suggested Prompts:

  • Describe something in your life where you have a gezelligheid
  • Draw something that is gezellig
  • Write a story featuring a gezellegheid
  • … or make up your own related prompt!

I actually want to keep it as anonymous as I can be but it’s hard to actually think of another Gezelligheid moment I can think about. This photo taken recently when I visit home. I didn’t know but maybe it’s become a habit that we snuggle up in one tiny bed or on the floor squashing one and another. But they are my comfort of my home.



Share Your World – 2013 Week 20

Share Your World – 2013 Week 20

Do you like winter, or not, and why?

I lived in tropical country so there’s no such thing as winter. As much as I want to touch snow, I can’t stand cold more. Rainy season here quite cold (esp in my hometown it’s definitely coooooolllllddddd) and humid, though not as cold as winter but it’s still feel cold.

Are you a listener or talker?

Am not a good talker even with my hubs, he still sometime misinterpret my intentions behind words. And I’d feel guilty afterwards but he knows me and patient about that. But when it comes to other people, once I start talking either it’s stupid words comes out my mouth or seemed unrelated answers. So I end up being a good listener. Many times my best-friends told me about their problems I didn’t give advice in return only if they want it to and since I am not a good talker all my advice will be very real and harsh. T’was me being straight forward.

What is your favorite juice or fruit drink?

I don’t really like fruit but I try to eat once a day. My choice will be fresh guava juice or artificial apple tea that they sold in supermarket.

What do you have to be so happy about?

I don’t know but every thing made me happy. Life. Love. Husband. Family. Dad. Brothers. Best-friends. Loneliness. Breathing. Different. OCD. Money. Food. Working. Books. Reading. Walking. Browsing. Blogging.

I’ve been struggling to blogging now because entering new phase at work and I have pile of paperwork in my desk. Yes I read some post people in blogosphere write but I can’t make one for myself in this short time so I’ll enjoy Share Your World for now. Join!


About Being Happy?

I’ve just read one note of my junior on Facebook about how he thinks he’s not as simply happy as other people. This is really intrigued me but as much as I want to comment about being happy but I didn’t wanna people ‘look’ at me.

He noted stuff that I’ve been through it too, to have a scholarship in other country, a great position in a company, pretty inspired for people around me, are things I look up when I was in college until a few years I graduated and dip myself in a new working world.

I am not people who academically achieve some great hit who run proudly with tittle cum-laud. Nope, I’m just average in almost everything. Though I’m pretty smart in Math and English, studying wasn’t my thing, I don’t know but I think I get my mind divide a lot as I struggle with the post-death of my mother. Finding the lost love I couldn’t fill in. So, at that time I envy a lot of smart people or who I think people think they are smart and it really hurting when I realize that people only look up to people who are smart that their achievement on academical is very inspiring to other. As if I am invisible. Non-exist. But not until I found my path to GOD.

I was born with my parents religion in me but it didn’t make me learn more deeply about it, only some basics. At the age of 15 I struggle to find my path to God, I look for it for almost 7 years. I look for someone who can teach me my religion in a way that I found acceptable. and I did.

As soon as I started to learn about my religion I found a new different level of solace. I learn to admit all my mistakes, my flaws, my passions, my goals, even my goodness. I learn to forgive all my mistakes-all my past and all of that help me find myself. Find a new me with a new goals. I no longer care about how much money I will take, how great position I will stand, how people will look up at me, how I want people get inspired of me, nope, I no longer care about stuff. I surrender myself to life. Life isn’t always what we want it no matter how hard we tried, the final decision is in God’s hand and that’s what I am doing. I know what I think will good for me but God knows the best for me.

Like a flowing water, that’s how I feel my life right now. I do big effort for what I want but I let God choose it for me. I speak like with no truth but if I make a quick flashback there’s a lot of things I am grateful about for being not happening or not working out. I’m grateful I took my major even though I hate it for ever. I’m grateful I wasn’t turn into a bad girl in my lowest life. I’m grateful I look for God and not drugs. Even I have any rights to be a bad and broken person.

My goals now is so much simpler now: to afterlife, to treasure life with my husband, my family and my best-friends.

I am not saying material stuff like money isn’t important, it is. But I refuse money control my life. You know why I like death so much because it’s remembering me of how must I live. Because when I die I won’t bring such a thrones and treasure with me, I’ll leave everything behind. Above of all, be grateful for everything, every good and bad things. I am not gonna say it’s going to be easy but it’s always worth to try. Life is short to work so hard achieving to only something we won’t bring for afterlife to the point we forgot God and people around us.

Am not always happy but I tried so hard to stay happy with it.

“Happiness can be learned, but finding meaning and a purpose in life is what leads to it, not the other way around. The happiest people appreciate and realise that being happy adds years to their life, and life to their years.” (from The World Book Of Happiness by Leo Bormans).



Love Languages

I run into Bri of Design Love Fest blog where recently she shared a moment about her love(life) and I thought I would share…

ph: Design Love Fest Instagram

today we are talking about love languages. have you ever thought about what yours are? how do you show your love? i would definitely say i show mine in actions better than words. i love picking up little gifts for arian, or planning out dates and vacations. i like writing short love notes and leaving them on his desk. or making him dinner. it’s all about actions for me.

with arian, it’s definitely different. he’s a DUDE. he likes to surf, air drum, listen to hardcore music, and talks about motorcycles. while i consider him a creative person, he is definitely not planning out our vacations or unique dates. holidays and birthdays stress him out because he thinks gift giving is overwhelming. i remember all of this stuff used to bug me. i would look at my friend’s husbands who got their wives that coat she’d been wanting, or that bouquet of flowers for no reason, or planned a surprise tropical getaway… it made me feel like arian didn’t love me the same way. (but like someone reminded me today…”comparison is the thief of joy.”) we actually used to fight about it quite a bit. and ladies i am sure you know that if you fight about flowers it definitely takes the sparkle out of the moment when you actually do get them.

but then i started trying to think about it differently. analyzing how he DOES show his love. arian is the best listener. he always takes my side. he is affectionate and loving. he always kisses me goodbye. he always drives when we go somewhere. he makes me coffee every morning. there is a lot of ways that i just wasn’t seeing clearly. which i will fully admit that it’s bratty and traditional for me to think love means flowers and date planning. and once i let that go, i started noticing and appreciating the things he does do and not just feeling resentful for the things he wasn’t.

here are the 5 love languages…which of these are you doing? (girls can sometimes be all of them!)






what form of love do you NEED from a partner? any deal breakers? for me, affection is important. i only tell you guys this because it was an eye opening experience for me to think about HOW we love our partners. in what ways. and maybe there are ways you’re just looking past. …xo -bri

Her words makes me think of what form of love in need from a partner. Judging by thinking a form of love I want is so much easier but hell nobody really match your expectations. I remember my husband asked me the same question once and I stumble upon my words, I couldn’t give him a satisfying answer (I think it was me who didn’t satisfy enough with my own answers). Now I am gonna try to just shot the questions.

How do I express love to my partner? Acts for services. I was no good for affections or words and sometimes I feel I don’t show or talk like I am in love with my partner. I just didn’t grow up with that merits, and those two I definitely something I struggle everyday. While my partner way to express his love for me are those two I most struggle. I am going to think we completed each other.

What do I complain about the most? Physical touch. It would be best if the question were “What do love languages I dread the most?”, gotta admit I dread affections because I didn’t learn to have a memorable one so my hubs was teaching me this and I am getting better but I only do affections with my hubs apart from that I’ll go stilled as a statue if someone try to hug me because I feel very foreign but actually I crave for touch from others. It just now my hubs is the only one I can bear. But I hope someday I can actually let others people in and actually hug me or present me with other love touch.

What do I need most often? Acts for services. I do love spending times with my loved ones or praising each other or giving gift but it is acts for services I love the most. Well, actions speak louder than words in my case. I knew very well that woman do the housework and man do the work though I still love it when my hubs was helping me or dividing some chores with me. I don’t expect him to do all but simple actions like cooking a meal, setting a table, washing the dishes will make my day.

I tried to take a quiz to classify which one of the love language I strongly possess and the answer was pretty the same with the one I predict. This is my answer and if you want to try out the quiz, here.

I would agree with the love language because it make all feel completed. Every element was there to show different kinds of language to show love. Each person is unique and there’s somewhat the degrees to show love is different too but we do need all elements, right?

Well, what form of love do you NEED from a partner?


Share Your World – 2013 Week 14 & 15

I’ve been disappearing from blogging for this entire two weeks and I missed it damn much. Have I told you that I was moving out (on weekdays only) from my home because now me and hubs are living and working in the same town. Yeay! So we decide to rent a monthly tiny little dorm-size room, that we don’t have to commute 4 hours a day everyday.

New place, new routines put a whole new world for me. And I still try to adapt with the changes which is not so good. I’ll show you later in my new post my dorm-size room.

Since Cee’s going on vacation next week and maybe I’ll still confuse with my new routine. I’d answered all the questions for week 14 and 15 in the same post. And Oh Happy Vacation Cee!.

Week 14

If a movie was made based on your life, what actor/actress would play you?

First, I can’t imagine a movie t’was made from my life. It’s going to be boring and dull at the end. But If I could choose someone to play me that definitely Kristen Stewart. She resemble rebellious side of me, someone with rock star personality but quirky and shy and sweet.

Show us a couple of your favorites photographs? If you are not a photographer, think of a favorite scene in your life and tell us about them. I do better with human but I love footsteps pic the most.

What do you like most about home?

Though I-we-haven’t really had a home but a kitchen, a yard and a huge bookshelf will be one of my consideration of a home.

Week 15

What is one of your quirky traits?

Just one? I have a lot. Like Cee’s, I eat all my food separately and I don’t like mixed flavor either.  I personally can’t differentiate color too details and that means I can’t mixed match color (especially for clothes). Everything look good in my eyes as long it’s not two significant color like the dress. That way I finally can say it look weird. I also can’t differentiate people who look handsome/beautiful or not unless that person really look different from others and I don’t say it ugly just different because I don’t know how to define ugly in someone’s face.

What has surprised you about blogging?

The people, the stories, and the heart-warming online friendship. I love blogging because I am able to meet people that will encourage you and gives you a lot of positive input rather than to put you down that often we meet just right in front of our eyes. So thank you for your presence blogger.

Which do you prefer sweet or salty? Or both at the same time? 

I’m a sweet-flavor lover. But I am going to eat salty first then sweet because I saved the best for the last. I don’t know if you have it in your country or not but this are my favorite one.

toast + chocolate sprinkles + grated cheese + milk

Thank you for reading my post and please join!


Share Your World – 2013 Week 14 & 15

A Wish

Though you don’t remember my birthday. Though you probably remember clearly our promise. Though you might forget me. us. Whatever effing mistake happen between us.

Though I saw you happy now. Though I thought you’re going to be a father now. Though I definitely want to say personal ‘Happy Birthday’ to you. I remember him, remember her, remember us.

Though I look at your Facebook. Though I try to post a ‘Happy Birthday’ and I manage to delete it. Though I have your phone number. Though I try to compose a message and I end up delete it.

Though I want us to remain friend. Though past is past and future is future are hell different thing. Though I want you to at least say ‘Hello’. Though I was being fake when we made promise. To live effing happy and keep our ‘thing‘ in memory only.

I can’t. I can’t just to say you something and ruin everything. My happiness. Your happiness. I can’t keep you now or later. But I can keep us as memories. Beautiful sweet memories. Our beautiful sweet memories.

Maybe I’d like to remove you completely from me. Your Facebook. Your phone number. Your everything. But I know I can’t. I like to keep you as a friend. I want to keep you as a friend.


Happy Birthday, friend!

ph: weheartit


ph: carianne

How true this saying applied in your life? Do you really happy when hear someone else’s happy? Does it make your happiness too? Do you happy in front of them and talk otherwise behind their back?

I guess that’s what commonly happen in reality. We didn’t truly happy over someone else’s happiness, but it’s not really mean we can not to be happy over someone else’s happiness. Envy. As human we often trapped in resentment caused by someone having something that we don’t have, but desires for oneself. No envy needed if we content with God will and belief in justice.

when someone else’s happiness is your happiness, that is love. It should be easy, isn’t it?


Share Your World – 2013 Week 10

Share Your World – 2013 Week 10

If you could be any animal, what would you be?

I always love butterfly because it start from ugly creature to beautiful one but I’d prefer myself as a moth. It’s less attractive than butterfly and I don’t like being a center of attention no matter how pretty I am. Luna moth has sole mission in life: to mate and lay eggs. In this case, I’d like better if life have no such concern over money or pride or job and so on, just to live. Moths are expert sniffers, well I am an expert sniffer at finding people cheating, people way of life and people things. Moths are important food for many animals because moths are major players at the bottom of the food chain. Selfless

If you had to describe your day as a traffic sign, what would it be?

Traffic lights. Well, to deal with me surely this is the best to describe me. Red: When I was mad or in such bad mood. I have irritating mood swings. Yellow: This indicate me approachable if you know how to handle me. Most people will get fine ticket when they’re not careful enough. Green: is what? you got full access to me. It’s easy to have me green all the time. Just don’t be an exasperating human.

What was your most memorable birthday?

Though the fact I don’t really like birthday cake but I like it if someone made me a birthday surprise with tiny little cake. You pampering me!

In what do you find the simplest of joys?

In no particular order.

A long walk while listening music|Swimming alone| A cup of tea

To participate or learn more about Share Your World please go to Cee’s site


::credit on the picture::