Tag Archives: My Thoughts

Birthday Reminder on Facebook

It’s been years since the last time I put my birth day on private on Facebook. It means that only me that can see my birthday. Most of my friends on facebook automatically made their birthday available for their friends to notice. Therefore you’ll see their birthday reminder on your notifications.

I have my reasons though it seems bizarre but well that’s me. I just want to know how many people that really remember me. My facebook friends mostly weren’t people that close to me mostly were just my school friends that I rarely have deep conversation with and harshly let just say we know by name only. I am an introvert that hardly able to make a lot of relationship so I only have some friends that I allow myself to be close with even then doesnot mean I’ll just open up and spring my heart out. I only have a few for the deep.

The first year it was less than 15 people who really remember me. This year as in today only 2 people that remember my birthday which is my brother (the other 2 forget, how dare them!!😈😈 ) and one of my best friend. As time goes by I didn’t really give a damn by how many birthday wishes that I’ve got. But I can not lie that sometimes it hurts because of my imagination of a friendship wasn’t what I dream about. I used to see pictures or watching movies about friendship that they hang out together or having potluck together discussing vary topic in life.

Partly my fault perhaps because I wasn’t open to people or let them see the real me. Or perhaps I just don’t feel right to open up to my friends. Or perhaps twas just my imagination of a friendship. I don’t know. But surely I was tired of having a friendship that only require effort from my side. Or maybe I shouldn’t account on it. I don’t know. I was hoping I get to know more people that let them in and see the real me. People that also make an effort to have a friendship with me.

Tell me about your friendship with your best friend,, just so I have an insight that friendship is real and not just something I read on books or watch on movies.

Btw,, welcome to the big three-o.
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.Cheers.

My LUNGS Are Just Fine!!!

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In a place where I live you don’t always go to doctor if you were sick. There’s a lot of traditional medication that people could go to. Just like with Chinese people where they can drink some sort of herbs mixture to cure an illness. So far I’ve tried one different kind of alternative medication that involve neuron and a little bit of preasure in the right spot that could cause hell of a pain if you have something wrong in some certain part of your body. I think this kind of medication came from China. So the last couple of week I accidently trying a new kind of alternative medication.

A quite the same medication that require neuron and a whole lot of preasure that cause me more pain. The person appear to be religius that he can read through my personality. Not that it suprised me, no I’ve already admit my flaws, so I really don’t need more acknowledgement. But what disturb me the most was his prediction regarding my health. His prediction was that I have something wrong with my lungs that leads to TBC (tubercolosis lung disease) in which I agree because I have asthma in related to my lung problem and not TBC. I’ve went to numerous doctor visit for a mere justification. And then he said that I have to do certain things like stop breastfeeding my 20-months-old kid, drink lemon water, drink carrot and cranberry juice, drink fresh water and eat camel meat (yuuuucck!!).

I, indeed, wasn’t the type of person who like to eat people words as a whole. I need to digest it first then collect some data and, boom, decide what to do. But his words keep messing with my head especially the part that I have to stop breastfeeding my kid (tried it for a day and it cause me more stress than ever). To be honest, I didn’t tell a lot of my family what kind of condition that I suffer from. And even though I told them, they rarely believe it. But I spent years went to doctor just to understand my condition.

I was BORN with allergic that was passed on from either my mom or dad. It makes me sensitive to certain food or environment. Nothing really severe. And along my 30 years of living the last 10 years I’ve been in and out of doctor for numerous kind of illness that cause from my allergic condition. Atopy was something that on and off throughout the years. I’ve got eczema and now in healing process of prurigo (another kind of atopy). The last 2 years I’ve just know that I suffer asthma, illness that I’ve closed my eyes from when I was in college and in denial when I was pregnant. But now, the more often it gets the more I can’t deny. My asthma was to the point that I wasn’t able to do simple things like talking or walking when it was full force. So when the doctor told me that my asthma was another result of my allergic gene then I have nothing to do but to work out. The last thing that I knew to keep me healthy. All doctor that I’ve came accros s told me that I have to: live healthy, eat healthy, no stress, enough sleep and work out. Work out was the only thing that I never do, I mean literally never. And it appear work out was my answer to my asthma condition.

To keep my mind at ease I decide to do medical check up that include thorax rontgen to see if I suffer from TBC. Because the theraphy mister said that if I went to rontgen my thorax, my lung will already full with tbc. So today was the day my medical check up result came out. After discussing the result with the doctor it appears that I have no dangerous illness and something to improve here and there that I didn’t aware of. And I am thankful for that. But leave me with bitter taste in my tongue because I believe unproffesional opiniom get through me. It pissed me off that it messed with my head for full 3 weeks. It made me fooled that I have to spent money for unnecessary medical check up. But I don’t feel sorry to be able to do medical check up so that I can throw it in their face. XD

.cheers.

Chameleonize

LiuBolin-TheChive

Chameleons and I share same trait, we change color. While chameleons change color as a response to mood, temperature, health, communication, and light, I change color as a response of innocence, I guess. lol.

Have you watch or read Eat Pray Love, on one of the scene friends of Liz said

…you know, you used to look like Stephen. Now you kind of look like David. You know? What l meant was, you know how people start resembling their dogs?

that line give me a jab right on my jaw. I feel the same with Liz. I smell like A when I was with A and I turn like B when I was with B while I am Z when with myself.  While Liz try to figure herself by doing a long and delicate journey to Italy, India and Indonesia (all start by an I), I didn’t try to figure my color, I just think and suck it up. It turns out by having partner means to influence each other so nothing wrong, right?

I believe past really shape me into myself today. Having to lost my universe when I was on my frail stage really shake my self-esteem and growing up with bunch of man or boys didn’t help me much. It just get worse.

It’s not that I didn’t know my color, I did, I do. Like chameleon they all have their basic color, pale greeny colour. I  knew my color very well, it just keep changing while I am with different people. Lack of self-esteem and weak feature make me look to other people a lot and then I’ll try to copy or mimic or put what I think work on them to me. In result, I never fully comfortable both with the process and the result.

Why I look to other people? It’s because I have no one to teach me how to make strawberry cheesecake while I never knew what the hell is strawberry cheesecake. My husband did a great deal teaching me a lot of stuff I never knew it’s exist. Though I am getting better and better, I mostly struggle with girly stuff nowadays because no way my husband can fill up that hole.

My basic color when it comes to clothes is jeans and T-shirt and sneakers. I used to whine why this world make a big deal of how we should look in front of other people. But sadly it matter. This leave me struggling and look up to what other people wear isn’t always good on me. But it always struck me right in the gut and I have to tear all apart. I envy what girls could wear and look good while apparently if I want I can’t differentiate the difference. The way I think, the way I see problems, the way I saw clothes it’s like how man see it. ALthough I am grateful for that but it’s not always good.

Peer pressure or social pressure always put me over the edge and that’s why I rarely go on social stuff with addition with my social anxiety that just make it dynamic duo. I try so hard to be fittable but  I find my comfort when I was alone and didn’t care about what people might think. Like chameleon, I show my true color when I am alone and calm.

Do you change color?

.Cheers.

In Between Thoughts

ph: safalniveshak

Where’s there’s good there’s bad. There’s dark there’s light. There’s guilty there’s innocent. There’s black there’s white. There’s right there’s wrong. There’s something in between.

I believe in karma. I believe in what goes around comes around. I believe in what you reap is what you sow. and I believe in God, off course.

My past taught me a lot to never judge people of what happen in people’s life or of what they choose on the choice they make. I know there’s good things and bad things. There’s right doings and there’s wrong doings. There’s guilty and there’s innocent. The good and bad things are knowledge. The right and wrong doings are a choice. The guilt and innocent aren’t my place to judge.

People cheat. People corrupt. People lie. People ignorance. People fake. Women prostitute. Men douchebag. Husband abusive. Wife addict. Child broken.

There are times you witness people you love choose to do wrongs and become so bad. There are times you really want to fix them, advice them and even tell them they’re wrong. Everything happens for reasons. Reasons that most of the time we have no clue about it but we act like we knew everything. We didn’t know what happen in other people life that make them choose to do the wrong things. We didn’t. Yet we feel that we can fix them.

To some broken soul no words can make them turn into light but God. But that’s make it not our battle but their battle. No matter how much you want to change people or make stop of people do the wrong it’s not going to flip like a pancake.

You might questions everything. Question reasons of they wrong doing. But don’t judge because you are no God. and you are no saint.

You might see your loved ones fall into darkness. Fall into what they thinks will help them. You just need to stand there with your arm stretch ready for anytime help just in case they want to crawl back into light.

I used to be judged and I know how bitter that felt.  Ever since no matter how dark someone choose and all the wrong doings they act, I don’t do judge. I might admit what they do is wrong but hell that’s not my life. But I am always ready for giving help. I might admit what they do is wrong but that doesn’t mean I’ll do what they do.

I believe everything happen for reasons. Reasons I never knew. Reasons I never experienced.

.Cheers.

Another Disorder I Finally Discover

ph: ammunition

Many of you already know that I am someone with Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) but it took times for me to actually aware of my own problems. And more effort to actually admit it. Here in my country, having a mental problem is like having a sinful sin. They’ll thought you are somehow crazy so I didn’t familiar with mental health until couple years ago. Thank to Mr. Google. So I wasn’t seeking for medication or therapy or even asking for professional help. And my introverts  just make everything worse.

I in fact am having social anxiety disorder or social phobia (Mr. Google said they both the same just the matter of time terms). I still functioning to the point I ignore most of the situation that will lead me to my social anxiety. Stuff that dreading me: speaking in public, making small talks, being the center of attention, participating in big groups, expressing a disagreement or disapproval or at least speaking at a meeting, working/writing while being observed, talking to people in authority, the last two are the one that put me in full distressed.

Thanks to my introverts I didn’t really show any physical symptoms, I tend to avoid the dreaded situations as possible as I can. Many times I try to endure the anxiety provoking situation with considerable distress. Once, I was about to promote myself and declaring my visions and missions about stuff I am working on but I end up crying and pretending to faint before I could even speak a word. I’ll remember the day as the lamest day of my life but I realize the amount of distress result physical exhaustion and my major breakdown. I learn a lot from that moments that I should just stay behind the scenes.

My now position put me at another stake of my social anxiety, I’ll deal with a lot of people in authority and work under a hawk-eye supervisor. I didn’t like it really. Many times I consider myself to quit. And I will I guess soon but not too soon. The project hasn’t even start but I already dreading what’s ahead and it distressed me a lot.

Some people maybe want to become big but I like to stay where I am nothing superior and nothing inferior. Someone in between.

:: Maybe if you want to try LIEBOWITZ SOCIAL ANXIETY SCALE (LSAS-SR)* :: my score is 80 means very probable ::

And no, I am not crazy my country people.

.Cheers.

A Letter To The Man Who Think I Have No Manners

Dear The Man Who Think I Have No Manners,

I barely know you. We just happen to meet everyday in more formal rather than informal occasion. But we rarely talk about everything. I rarely asked about how your life is or your family is because I want to keep it professional and because I don’t bother myself to know your life or judge your life. Of how you spend the whole day doing your stuff. Of how you try hard to be a breadwinner. Of how like you talk about anything unnecessary. I don’t because I am busy enough with my life.

But I knew very well that I am easily intimidated, I was that sheet that turn into fire once it’s kindled. Every time you approach my bureau and try to start conversation with me. Actually, I didn’t really want to but I always try to be nice to you by engulfed in our conversation. and you succeed. To make me talk about everything you want me to talk about except about each others life. I talked in with normal words, normal tone, normal intonation for a normal conversation. I did eye contact. I kept my posture formal but relax. To respect myself and to respect you.

Ever since I moved closer to your bureau, as if I had choice, you started to make more and more conversation I never really want. But I kept my composure and just sucked it up. I had piles of paper and I didn’t have time to look to yours. I seemed ignorance but it just how I tuned out my surrounding because no way I would listen to all people blabbering in the same time about lots of stuff. I wanted to feel some privacy even in packed small place, and that’s how I create privacy for other. I wanted to keep it like that.

Until you started comment everything I did or do. Even worst, it’s not something I did or do to you, man. Did I do something wrong? Did I talk bad with you? Or did I disrespect you? That you have to told me that I have no manners in front of other people.

Excuse me, you’re the one that has no manners. How is it you brazenly jump into my conversation with my inferior and start give what’s good or not to do? How is it I am the one with no manner because of that? How is it you eavesdropping my conversation in the telephone with my best-friend? How is it I am the one with no manner because the choice of words and tone I use to talk with my best-friend? How dare you labeled me as someone with no courteous?

How could you think that you are more civilize that I am? We might be in the same level in the structure but we are definitely different. I never thought that I was even better from you, not even a glimpse in me because I know well that every person in the world is different. That explain a lot more than what your brain can possibly process. There, the way we talk and deal with other people are different. Each person has their own way.

I have my own way to talk with people or deal with people. So what you witness is my way of dealing with people, my way of communicate with people.  If I want to ask my inferior to deliver a letter to lower level instead of myself is my choice, it is my way to deal with people. And If I want to talk with my best-friend with my choice of words my choice of intonation, it’s my way to talk to my best-friend. And why is that you the one who said I have no courteous manner while my best-friend said nothing. Nothing.

So who you are dude that you have a right to commentate the way I deal and talk with people? Don’t try to teach me how to deal or talk with people because I never give a shit about the way you deal or talk to people.

Man, if you have a lot of spare time to observe about how I deal or talk to people. You should do a lot of reflection and if you can’t think any idea how, I’ll help you. I’ll help you buy a huge mirror so that you can look clearly of yourself.

So you to know man, I am not good with words and thus I like being alone and in silence. It’s actually me being nice. Because my best-friends who you think the way I talk to them is in no manners knows me better with what I am dealing.

Dude, you’re a man so behave like one. If you can’t, just get a life! or get laid.

Love,

EH.

What Does It Feel To Grow Up Without A Mother?

In commemorating my breakdown, couple days ago just right after Mother’s day, to a question about growing up without my mother. I am going to share a little bit what does it feel to be motherless. These question below I took from this great blog Walking Barefoot by Brenda Della Casa about Growing Up Without A Mother: Five Women Share Their Story.

How old were you when your mother passed/left? I was 14.

Can you briefly share the circumstances surrounding your situation? My mother was died at age 38 from complications after gave birth to my little brother.

Did her leaving/passing have an immediate impact? It didn’t sink in right away. I felt like I was in a dark and bleak room and after a couple of days I out of the room and run my day by day like a robot. I emotionless since. I went through a depression in high school and suffered with anxiety and low self-esteem.

Who raised you? My dad, my grandparents and my aunts in particular. Environment at the most.

How was her absence handled in your household? I am not functioning very well and my grandparents took control of it and my dad on the weekends (because he works out of town). Juggled between new routines, new environment and new life with my brothers.

How did this impact you? I should be though. I supposed to support and take care of my 3 brothers but that time I didn’t understand very well. It’s like our boat is sinking and everyone try to save themselves first. I thought about only myself and actually forgot the rest of them.

What did growing up without a mother feel like as a child/teen? As a teen, I hated every things. I hated when everyone started to talk about my mom with the pity in their eyes. I hated the person who talk about her. I hated myself. I hated my surroundings. I didn’t even cry when my mother died until some years later and it’s only a weep. Until I realized life is so much harder and it’ll be easier if there’s someone I can talk to.

How do you feel her absence has influenced you as an adult? It made me strong and fragile. At first I was all but positive. I have a lot of issues, fears, insecurities and problems. Nowadays, through God and spiritual journey I find more peace. But what past created still made me today. I was still hard to myself. I still held people at arm’s length because I didn’t want to get hurts. But the hardest thing is to see mother-daughter relationship. I was lonely because all in the house are boys, I have no one to ask for advice or simple girly stuff and it affected me no liking girls stuff.

In what ways has her absence influenced your ideas about motherhood? I anxious about being a mother big time. Many people didn’t know that the other reason I wasn’t having a baby now because I was scared of becoming one and I didn’t have women I am comfortable with to ask about womanhood and motherhood.

What do you feel is misunderstood about motherless children? That we’re strong and grow up well. You could still find a hole or holes that anything can’t fill up.

How do you feel about your mother today? She’s great and I love her a lot. But still she’s a topic I never really want to talk about with people but I write about a lot. And we’ll meet soon.

How do you handle Mothers Day? I didn’t have one to celebrate. I commemorated her birthday and death only.

How have you healed? 7 years to achieve the acceptance stage. And I’m not going to say I’m healed but I am better. There will always holes that supposed to be fill by my mother only. But God will fill it for me, I hope.

Any additional thoughts? Her death was a major thing happen and it shattered me. But it also the one that can make me stand up and stronger than my peers. As much as I love her, God love her much more. As much as she being here with me, I grateful God took her to one place she more deserved.

http://www.bhmpics.com

We’ll see you soon, Mom.

.Cheers.

About Being Happy?

I’ve just read one note of my junior on Facebook about how he thinks he’s not as simply happy as other people. This is really intrigued me but as much as I want to comment about being happy but I didn’t wanna people ‘look’ at me.

He noted stuff that I’ve been through it too, to have a scholarship in other country, a great position in a company, pretty inspired for people around me, are things I look up when I was in college until a few years I graduated and dip myself in a new working world.

I am not people who academically achieve some great hit who run proudly with tittle cum-laud. Nope, I’m just average in almost everything. Though I’m pretty smart in Math and English, studying wasn’t my thing, I don’t know but I think I get my mind divide a lot as I struggle with the post-death of my mother. Finding the lost love I couldn’t fill in. So, at that time I envy a lot of smart people or who I think people think they are smart and it really hurting when I realize that people only look up to people who are smart that their achievement on academical is very inspiring to other. As if I am invisible. Non-exist. But not until I found my path to GOD.

I was born with my parents religion in me but it didn’t make me learn more deeply about it, only some basics. At the age of 15 I struggle to find my path to God, I look for it for almost 7 years. I look for someone who can teach me my religion in a way that I found acceptable. and I did.

As soon as I started to learn about my religion I found a new different level of solace. I learn to admit all my mistakes, my flaws, my passions, my goals, even my goodness. I learn to forgive all my mistakes-all my past and all of that help me find myself. Find a new me with a new goals. I no longer care about how much money I will take, how great position I will stand, how people will look up at me, how I want people get inspired of me, nope, I no longer care about stuff. I surrender myself to life. Life isn’t always what we want it no matter how hard we tried, the final decision is in God’s hand and that’s what I am doing. I know what I think will good for me but God knows the best for me.

Like a flowing water, that’s how I feel my life right now. I do big effort for what I want but I let God choose it for me. I speak like with no truth but if I make a quick flashback there’s a lot of things I am grateful about for being not happening or not working out. I’m grateful I took my major even though I hate it for ever. I’m grateful I wasn’t turn into a bad girl in my lowest life. I’m grateful I look for God and not drugs. Even I have any rights to be a bad and broken person.

My goals now is so much simpler now: to afterlife, to treasure life with my husband, my family and my best-friends.

I am not saying material stuff like money isn’t important, it is. But I refuse money control my life. You know why I like death so much because it’s remembering me of how must I live. Because when I die I won’t bring such a thrones and treasure with me, I’ll leave everything behind. Above of all, be grateful for everything, every good and bad things. I am not gonna say it’s going to be easy but it’s always worth to try. Life is short to work so hard achieving to only something we won’t bring for afterlife to the point we forgot God and people around us.

Am not always happy but I tried so hard to stay happy with it.

“Happiness can be learned, but finding meaning and a purpose in life is what leads to it, not the other way around. The happiest people appreciate and realise that being happy adds years to their life, and life to their years.” (from The World Book Of Happiness by Leo Bormans).

ladyumbrella.com

.Cheers.

Love Languages

I run into Bri of Design Love Fest blog where recently she shared a moment about her love(life) and I thought I would share…

ph: Design Love Fest Instagram

today we are talking about love languages. have you ever thought about what yours are? how do you show your love? i would definitely say i show mine in actions better than words. i love picking up little gifts for arian, or planning out dates and vacations. i like writing short love notes and leaving them on his desk. or making him dinner. it’s all about actions for me.

with arian, it’s definitely different. he’s a DUDE. he likes to surf, air drum, listen to hardcore music, and talks about motorcycles. while i consider him a creative person, he is definitely not planning out our vacations or unique dates. holidays and birthdays stress him out because he thinks gift giving is overwhelming. i remember all of this stuff used to bug me. i would look at my friend’s husbands who got their wives that coat she’d been wanting, or that bouquet of flowers for no reason, or planned a surprise tropical getaway… it made me feel like arian didn’t love me the same way. (but like someone reminded me today…”comparison is the thief of joy.”) we actually used to fight about it quite a bit. and ladies i am sure you know that if you fight about flowers it definitely takes the sparkle out of the moment when you actually do get them.

but then i started trying to think about it differently. analyzing how he DOES show his love. arian is the best listener. he always takes my side. he is affectionate and loving. he always kisses me goodbye. he always drives when we go somewhere. he makes me coffee every morning. there is a lot of ways that i just wasn’t seeing clearly. which i will fully admit that it’s bratty and traditional for me to think love means flowers and date planning. and once i let that go, i started noticing and appreciating the things he does do and not just feeling resentful for the things he wasn’t.

here are the 5 love languages…which of these are you doing? (girls can sometimes be all of them!)

• WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

• ACTS OF SERVICE

• RECEIVING GIFTS

• QUALITY TIME

• PHYSICAL TOUCH

what form of love do you NEED from a partner? any deal breakers? for me, affection is important. i only tell you guys this because it was an eye opening experience for me to think about HOW we love our partners. in what ways. and maybe there are ways you’re just looking past. …xo -bri

Her words makes me think of what form of love in need from a partner. Judging by thinking a form of love I want is so much easier but hell nobody really match your expectations. I remember my husband asked me the same question once and I stumble upon my words, I couldn’t give him a satisfying answer (I think it was me who didn’t satisfy enough with my own answers). Now I am gonna try to just shot the questions.

How do I express love to my partner? Acts for services. I was no good for affections or words and sometimes I feel I don’t show or talk like I am in love with my partner. I just didn’t grow up with that merits, and those two I definitely something I struggle everyday. While my partner way to express his love for me are those two I most struggle. I am going to think we completed each other.

What do I complain about the most? Physical touch. It would be best if the question were “What do love languages I dread the most?”, gotta admit I dread affections because I didn’t learn to have a memorable one so my hubs was teaching me this and I am getting better but I only do affections with my hubs apart from that I’ll go stilled as a statue if someone try to hug me because I feel very foreign but actually I crave for touch from others. It just now my hubs is the only one I can bear. But I hope someday I can actually let others people in and actually hug me or present me with other love touch.

What do I need most often? Acts for services. I do love spending times with my loved ones or praising each other or giving gift but it is acts for services I love the most. Well, actions speak louder than words in my case. I knew very well that woman do the housework and man do the work though I still love it when my hubs was helping me or dividing some chores with me. I don’t expect him to do all but simple actions like cooking a meal, setting a table, washing the dishes will make my day.

I tried to take a quiz to classify which one of the love language I strongly possess and the answer was pretty the same with the one I predict. This is my answer and if you want to try out the quiz, here.

I would agree with the love language because it make all feel completed. Every element was there to show different kinds of language to show love. Each person is unique and there’s somewhat the degrees to show love is different too but we do need all elements, right?

Well, what form of love do you NEED from a partner?

.Cheers.

How To Treat Elderly (Through the Eyes of a Granddaughter)

This is the reason I have this blog so I can speak the unspoken. This might have contents from personal experience and some are from what I’ve seen, watched, witnessed, and heard that make me learn a lot.

One day I watched a TV program in my cable that showed elderly that left isolated (physically and mentally) by their children whether they were lived in an elderly care placement or they were lived alone in a dorm-size apartment. And that was the moment I think of my grandparents; I still have grandparents, only my grandpa from my dad side has passed away. I know it is not my issues because my relationship with them is I am their granddaughter and they are my parents’ responsibility to take care of. But still, this is become one of my concern nowadays because they’re my family. 

These issues might only appear in West  but I thought the issues might appear anywhere even in the East. But I have to agree, we, in the East still have ‘filial piety’ as I found in the article below:

It’s easy to make harsh comparisons between the East and West when it comes to the issue of elderly care. Values of Western cultures tend to celebrate youth, self reliance and individualism. Eastern cultures place enormous value on family and the elderly, often adhering to traditional age hierarchies.  A traditional Asian household is far more likely to include a grandparent, whereas nursing homes in the United States, Australia and many parts of the West are increasingly overcrowded.

The Confucian doctrine of ‘filial piety’ continues to have a strong presence in Chinese and Asian culture. It simply means showing obedience, respect and deference to your elders. It’s considered a privilege to be in the enlightened company of an elder, and ancestral reverence remains vitally important today. In these and other cultures, it is considered utterly shameful not to take care of your aging parents. The same goes for Mediterranean cultures, where multi-generational families live together in the same house. (Advanta Home Care)

Regarding my ability and position it was not my zone to interfere whether they should be put in a nursing home or living in the same roof with their children. But one thing I learn for sure that they need someone to talk to. They need someone to care about them. And no matter where they lived I still can care about them.

Aging forced them to faced with the realization that they must accept the inability to stand alone or loss their independence or worse, the need to depend on someone else to do what they want to do, and that might make them feel feeble. Some elderly can accept that and the process of aging in their life even though it takes time and some maybe can not just accept it.

I didn’t treat elderly very nice at first because how the elderly treated me in the past has made me anxiety toward them and I am still struggle with that. I didn’t have the feeling to visit them or talk nice to them or listen to them or treat them nicely, no I didn’t wanna be around them even. I didn’t treat them bad it just flat like they’re not really there. One day, I try to look the world from elderly POV and I feel compassion toward them. Though I vow myself I am not going to be an elderly like how the elderly around me had show me. And getting older and wiser I learned a lot on how I should treat them. I am not going to say in the reality it will easy but at least I am trying.

First,  try to listen to their never-ending and repetitive blabber about everything, in my case my mother death. I have to admit it wasn’t an interesting story to listen over and over. Some elderly will listen for positive feedback but some are just love to cut off any feedback. I was pretty sure they just want a full-time attention with just-listen-to-me attitude. Instinctively we become defensive for a repetitive story but when we try to become more less defensive and imagine how pity they are for being so old and lonely you’ll start to listen to them again. If it’s not working ask yourself “And why me (that have to listen)? or us?” because someday we’ll get old and we do want the best attitude for us too, right?

Second, call them as often as it should. A report estimates more than 360,000 older people have children too far away and “too busy to see them” but thanks to globalization era we’re living in we shorten distance with our smartphone. Call but not text (I learn elderly do NOT text) or video call, do everything as a compensation of our busy time to see them. Though it might mean you’ll hear the repetitive story, just bare with it.

Third, as youth resemble freedom so do elderly. Give them space. As people become old, they may become insecure. They need their space to be secure in it. Give them space to be old and act as an elderly. Try as much as possible to give them enough space so that their freedom is not curbed. The older people may have certain ritualistic behavior. They do not like people to discourage them from doing it. Another important thing to remember is that as people get older, their activities get reduced. (saching.com)

Fourth, try to manage a time in one month to actually see them and spend some time with them. To show affection. You don’t have to go for outing or any outdoor activities, just at home cook for them, eat with them or such. If there’s anything I struggle a lot is affection, communication and affection is rare and luxurious traits in my blood. I found my eyes welled up in tears as I sit together and speak to my grandma couple of months ago, things I rarely do, I awe her wrinkles and how I realize she’s getting older and older despite everything happens.

It’s not sound as easy as it is but my religion taught me about relations between human beings and that’s what make me strong everyday and my compassion to them if I feel tired of elderly or when my anxiety toward elderly kicks in.

I learn to treat elderly nice from now because when it’s come to my turn to take care of my parents when they’re getting in elderly phase, I’ll be ready and do what I need to do.

I wrote this not to remind you that you should treat your elderly better but to bring to mind that you in the future will get older and might feel what they might feel right now. Regret always come at the end when there’s no time to turn back.

.Cheers.